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Secret Diary Of A Melbourne Call Girl: July

There are quite a number of things that comes to mind when you think about being a hooker. Most of these things are negative, with the obvious exception of the money you’re earning. People think about being violated, about all the hookers with drug addictions, about rape and about being murdered and left in a gutter on the side of the street. All valid concerns, although all far, far less common than Hollywood and other media would have us believe. What I’d like to talk about this edition is the ways in which being a hooker has been surprisingly good for me. Since starting in the industry I have benefited from things I never expected to get out of being a hooker.

The first is the avenue for self exploration. I consider myself to be relatively disinterested in sex – to be fairly vanilla about it. But despite not wanting to have casual hook-ups with guys on Grindr, brothel work has taught me a lot about myself and allowed me to explore my feelings. As I mentioned earlier in the year, I’ve had threesomes and foursomes, I’ve experimented with BDSM and generally done some other weird things. It’s incredibly unlikely that I would have had the confidence to try any of these things within the context of a relationship, so these are experiences I value for enriching my understanding of sex, and of myself. As a child my parents always used the same line whenever I didn’t want to eat a new food, “How do you know you don’t like it if you never try it?” Unlike new foods which you can pick up at the supermarket, or maybe a delicatessen or Asian grocery if you’re feeling adventurous, sexual experiences aren’t always easy to come by. And I can’t think of any other environment that offers the variety of experience that brothel work can.

Possibly the most surprising upside of hooker-dom is the effect it has had on my self esteem. With the perception of sex work as being a humiliating and degrading profession, I expected to find sex work incredibly taxing, particularly in light of my history of poor mental health. But instead I have found that it has given me the opportunity to work through a number of my insecurities, particularly those I held in relation to my body. Clients have no reason to lie to you. In fact, they have every reason to be incredibly judgmental, and in many cases they are (it’s not unusual for clients who have decided not to book anyone to make comments to the managers along the lines of “God you’ve got an ugly lot on tonight”).

When one of my friends or someone in the ‘real world’ pays me a compliment I find it very difficult to fully accept it. And I don’t think this is a phenomenon in any way limited to me; I think it’s quite a universal condition. But when a client tells me I’m beautiful or amazing I tend to question the compliment a lot less. Self esteem goes beyond simple compliments though; many clients are not that generous. The simple act of someone booking you is a huge confidence boost, especially when you do the maths on how much they’re spending simply for the privilege of your company. I’ve had a couple of clients pay near a grand in a single night. That’s terrifying, but, let me tell you, it feels good.

Finally, being with a client forces you to develop confidence, and to develop the strength to be vulnerable in front of a complete stranger. Sure, you always have the protection of your sex worker persona, but that can only protect you so far. Alexandra is a tough bitch who isn’t afraid of anything, but she shares my body and it’s my body that she’s undressing in front of John’s hungry eyes. I used to be the kind of person who liked to wear a t-shirt while swimming and wouldn’t wear shorts for fear of people seeing my legs. After a few clients, vulnerability just doesn’t faze you anymore. The body that I used to be ashamed to let people see I’ve learnt to make men worship it. The tough assertive side of my personality that I have always kept hidden in most aspects of my life – I’ve learnt to let it loose and enjoy the ride. The sexual techniques I was too afraid to try – I have tied men up and whipped them until they came. Gosh that was a fun night.

When I went in to sex work I went into it for the money; maybe a little bit because I thought it was badass, but mostly for the money. And yet I’ve grown so much as a person in the short time I’ve been working in the sex industry, in ways I could never have predicted. People say that God works in mysterious ways, but apparently the ungodly areas of our society are just as strange. And just because society sees prostitution as the bottom of the barrel doesn’t mean there aren’t some great things that can come from it.

Alexandra, a Monash student.

Tags : Diary Of A Call GirlSex
Alexandra

The author Alexandra

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