Winter is here, and as temperatures drop it’s becoming increasingly hard to find ways to stay warm without spending a fortune on gas bills. Here is a selection of ways to heat up without any expense:
1 . Conditioning. Not the air kind, which is obviously not free, but the Bear Grylls, stamina kind. Make at least one journey a day to a nearby supermarket. Spend long periods of time in the freezer section, gradually extending the period of time you wait there, while decreasing your amount of protective clothing (within reason). Compared to the sub zero temperatures of the ice cream freezer, your home will feel warm.
2. Cease all hair removal. And stop going to the gym. How many arctic animals are toned and fuzz free? Think like a penguin. Become the polar bear.
3. Abduct warm, furry animals. Not other people’s pets – that’s probably frowned upon in most neighbourhoods. Go for wild, yet safe and fuzzy animals, like brush tailed possums or the leader of your local bikie gang. Abduction means you don’t have to pay for their food and care, but you can still cuddle them for an afternoon – then return them to the wild.
4. Share a bed. Similar reasoning to above – two sets of body heat? Much better than one.
5. Know someone with a dog? Offer to groom it. Over an extended period of time, you can accumulate enough fur to make yourself a sweater – for free. Yes, pet fur sweaters are a real thing – Google it.