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Secret Diary Of A Melbourne Call Girl – August

I’ve been hesitant so far to talk about specific clients in this column. I have this strange fear that they’ll read Lot’s Wife, realise I’m talking about them, and get angry at me. But to be honest, none of these guys are the kind to be reading university newspapers and it’s hard to give a good idea about what it’s like to be a hooker without talking about the clients. So in this edition I’m going to talk about a few of my favourite clients; the ones I love to see when I walk into the intro room, and the ones whose company I don’t have to fake enjoying.

I don’t know the names of most of my clients. Sure, they tell me their names, but there are many of them and they all answer to “baby” or “handsome”. The first client I’m going to talk about is “misogynistic old guy”. He was my second ever client, and I saw him on the first night I worked. He’s quite an old man but he’s really gentle and quite sweet. To me at least. Every time he comes in he tells me about his wife, and how much he hates her. And how much he hates all women. And how c***s don’t know how to take care of a man. Coming from anyone else this kind of thing would make me very angry, but I feel sorry for him. He’s clearly trapped in a loveless marriage and repressing his sexuality. He also tells me about his “breakout time” (which includes his visits to me). He tells me about going to the adult cinema and watching guys whack off. He tells me about buying women’s clothing to wear. And he tells me how much he loves cock. It’s all a little sad, but he’s sweet with me, and it’s kind of awesome to be the one who helps him get his pleasure.

I do remember this next client’s name, but he’s something of a VIP and I’m not keen on using even his first name, so we’ll just call him N. He is one of the most fun clients to be with, and would be amongst my favourites even if he didn’t book me for hours at a time and then tip almost as much as I get from the house. He likes to mess with people, and constantly makes little jokes throughout our appointments. I think I won his respect when he took his joint (he does drugs during our bookings) and said “ever seen a guy burn himself?” I just told him “Nope” and watched him move the joint to within millimetres of his nipple. What we do is just a lot of fun; we play around and joke and cuddle and whatever else we feel like. When I’m with him it doesn’t feel like work. He respects my boundaries; he wants me to enjoy myself as much as he’s enjoying himself.

My favourite client, though, is “foreskin guy”. He drives the managers crazy. He calls the parlour half a dozen times a night (at least) to tell them he’s coming in, or that he got home safely. He’s not altogether there; he has some form of mental disability. But he’s genuine, and I can tell he loves spending time with me – there’s no pretence. He’s always been able to tell I’m not trans; he knows that I’m a boy. We just lie next to each other and talk while I stroke him off for half an hour. It’s not particularly relevant to why I like him, but I’m always impressed that even after he comes he stays hard. He got his name from his foreskin obsession; he asked all the girls if they had a foreskin. The first time we were together he told me why he picked me – he said I was the only one who didn’t laugh at him. We have a great connection, and making him happy is very satisfying.

I like all these clients for different reasons, and they all make my job much more fulfilling. One-off clients can be fun, or they can be a drag, but regular clients that you have a connection with are truly great to be with. They’re not only a great source of income, but the work is much better when you’re enjoying yourself.

Next edition I’d love to do another question and answer article. I didn’t have room to answer all of the great questions I received last time; if there are any additional questions you would like me to answer please send them to alexandrasdiary@gmail.com.

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Alexandra

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