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Tacticals Don’t Count: The MSA Activities Guide to Hangover “Cures”

Hangovers have got to rank right up there with sexting your ex as one of the worst side-effects of drinking. We’ve all had those nights, with a little too much wine or vodka, inadequate hydration, and let’s face it, that really regrettable 2am kebab. Waking up in the morning to that massive headache, and feeling so unwell that you think a cheeky vom is your only way out… but, no fear! Your local Activities Chair has the tried and true answers to getting rid of that post-Nott nausea, leaving you feeling as fresh as a daisy for your next pub session.

Gatorade

Often used by athletes to remain hydrated, a similar technique is used to try and mend your body after a good night out, restoring those long-lost electrolytes. While this method helps the headache go away, it can sometimes make the nausea worse, especially if you get the shit Orange Ice flavour. It also isn’t exactly immediate, and often needs to be coupled with a nanna-nap to be somewhat effective. Good start, but proceed with caution.

Maccas Run

Well for starters, shame on you if you drive there, because chances are you’re over the legal BAC limit, and let me tell you, cop sirens won’t make you feel any better at that time of morning. But I digress; nothing seems more appealing after a massive night out than a Sausage McMuffin with added hash brown and melty cheese, or a big box of chips. Often, eating will actually make you feel better if you can stomach it, with many nutritionists recommending foods high in potassium after a night out, such as banana and kale, as drinking alcohol depletes the body’s natural levels of the mineral. But who really wants fresh leafy vegetables when you feel that crappy? Having a bite to eat will always make you feel better the morning after, but try and keep it healthy.

Sprite

Researchers in China recently discovered that this lemon-flavoured sugary soft-drink is in fact the world’s perfect hangover cure. This is because it is able to lower the amounts of acetaldehyde, an ethanol metabolite, which is thought to be  the cause of hangovers. But whatever that means, in reality, it’s hard to stomach a sugary soft drink after drinking them all night with vodka… oh, the horrible memories. The feel and the taste of this option just makes it not worth the effort, on a similar plane to Red Bull and V. Sprite may be scientifically accurate, but in practice, way too hard to swallow.

Panadol & Sleep

Ahh, the sensible option. What do we normally do if we wake up with a headache? Have a Panadol and a lie down. But we all know when we’re hungover, we’re not our normal selves. The effort to go and look for one often in our minds outweighs their potential benefits. A good nap will often delay having to deal with it for a while, but overall, it’s not curing your massive dehydration. If you can get yourself out of bed and find a Panadol somewhere, pair it with a big jug of water with a pinch of salt in it to restore electrolytes, you’re usually on a winner.

Hair of the Dog

Fixing your post-drinking problem by drinking more? Well, they do say if you just keep drinking, your hangover will never come, but let’s be realistic here. While alcohol dulls your senses, making it seem like you’re feeling better, it will just prolong the entire horrid process, just giving your liver more to process. By far the most enjoyable method, but as effective as trying to convince Tony Abbott asylum seekers are people.

Not Drinking

Well we all know, no matter how many times you say it the next morning, that’s never going to happen. It will work, but at what cost. Honestly.

So take these cures with a grain of salt, but remember: prevention is better than the cure, and no, tacticals don’t count.


Eliza Gale

The author Eliza Gale

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