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WHOLEFOODS TO BECOME MCDONALD’S STEAKHOUSE, EMPTY SPACE

When Ben Knight was elected MSA President, he promised to listen to the will of the people – and it appears he has.

President Knight announced today that Wholefoods Restaurant, an institution of Monash Clayton for many years and the home of delicious vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free meals, will close its doors for the last time on Friday.

The MSA announced this morning that they have reached a deal with McDonalds to turn half the space into the first McDonald’s steakhouse, specialising in “game meat” such as kangaroo, quail and the critically endangered bilby.

This is not the first time Wholefoods has faced the threat of being shut down – a campaign run by the collective through 2012 ensured that volunteers could remain in charge of the restaurant and that security cameras which had been installed by the university would be removed.

When questioned as to why he chose to announce the closure and replacement of Wholefoods today, Ben Knight said that “this exciting deal has been in the works for quite a while, and we’re pleased to be able to share the news with the 933 people who liked a petition on Facebook back in 2010 that progress has finally been made”.

A McDonald’s representative, who declined to be named for this article, has been quoted as saying that the purchase of the former Wholefoods space represented an “excellent deal…of course, the space has been devalued by generations of hippies subtly fornicating on the couches, but it’s nothing a good steam-cleaning can’t fix”.

President Knight could not confirm what was planned for the rest of the Wholefoods space, although it has been speculated that due to laws surrounding the protection of endangered animals McDonald’s may need to start it’s own slaughterhouse.

MORE NEWS AS IT COMES TO HAND

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s April 1- only a fool would take anything posted here today as true.

Thank you to Michelle and Josh for having the best sad faces ever.

About Amy Fitzgerald

I’m Amy and I’m a 3rd year Arts student majoring in Politics and Journalism studies. I enjoy taking long, moonlit stumbles from Sir John’s Bar to the Nott and turning everything my hair touches a delicate shade of pink. I also enjoy gluten free food of nearly all varieties, and staying away from sunlight.

Amy Fitzgerald

The author Amy Fitzgerald

I’m Amy and I’m a 3rd year Arts student majoring in Politics and Journalism studies. I enjoy taking long, moonlit stumbles from Sir John’s Bar to the Nott and turning everything my hair touches a delicate shade of pink. I also enjoy gluten free food of nearly all varieties, and staying away from sunlight.

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