a YouTube-taught breakdancer at his junior-school dance clears the crowd                         like a Jedi & lets the BPM bounce                                     his                                                 limbs—   hitting the sweet-spot             between exhibitionism & Art sounds like the crack             of a post-match bum-slap but awkward             like a team-mate             who farts on contact—   have you ever watched a magpie fly full-tilt             into a glass door             & then die? if you haven’t, search  ‘creativity’ in the Urban Dictionary &             you’ll see             the definition is a GIF: that magpie’s trajectory.     Words by Jack Kelly
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SatireSatire & ComedySports

Essendon decide Bomber Thompson was onto something and will move into the frozen water business

Following the Bombers fourth loss in a row to Carlton on Sunday, they have decided the whole footy thing just isn’t their cup of tea. “The drug scandal was a sign that we blatantly missed, we should have cut our losses and just moved into the business,” Bombers CEO Xavier Campbell said. “It was a great branding opportunity for us,” Mr Campbell said. Though winter is on Victoria’s doorstep, the Bombers are confident they can fill a niche in the growing market. Essendon are currently calling for ideas as to what they should call their product. The current front runners
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Big Cat, Bigger Story.

The hunt for a fabled panther and the “fake news” surrounding it: It all started with a seemingly innocuous Facebook post. Douglas Chapman, a well-meaning, lonely, and argumentative retiree of Rosebud had taken to the ‘Southern Mornington Peninsula Noticeboard’ to vent his frustration with the new roadside safety barriers running alongside the Mornington Peninsula Freeway. “Never have I seen such a lacklustre effort for road safety,” he complained. Those “freeway noodles” wouldn’t save anybody, they are “looser than my bingo wings”. And a few people agreed that he had a point; a boring and pernickety point that would soon be
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