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Satire & Comedy

News

Big Cat, Bigger Story.

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The hunt for a fabled panther and the “fake news” surrounding it: It all started with a seemingly innocuous Facebook post. Douglas Chapman, a well-meaning, lonely, and argumentative retiree of Rosebud had taken to the ‘Southern Mornington Peninsula Noticeboard’ to vent his frustration with the new roadside safety barriers running alongside the Mornington Peninsula Freeway. “Never have I seen such a lacklustre effort for road safety,” he complained. Those “freeway noodles” wouldn’t save anybody, they are “looser than my bingo wings”. And a few people agreed that he had a point; a boring and pernickety point that would soon be
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Campus

Hack Patrol Edition 1: Your Guide to Student Politics

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It’s summer here in the capitalist wasteland of Monash Clayton, and it’s all going down at the Monash Student Association (MSA). The hallways (and the President’s office) have undergone an urgently needed paint job, a 12-year incumbency has been ousted, and the fluorescent lights are shining as bright as the sun that never shines on our hallowed halls.
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CreativeSatire & Comedy

Making News at Monash

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Rachael Welling brings you the news from the week that definitely, absolutely happened. Student Walking Through Campus Centre During Election Week Just Really Had To Call Their Mum A Monash Clayton Student has today apologised after urgently needing to make a phone call as they walked through the Campus Centre on the first day of the MSA Student Elections. The student, who wishes to remain anonymous, was seen hurriedly making a phone call at the exact moment they were approached by campaigners. “I was actually looking forward to being swamped with flyers and questions as to whether or not I’ve
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CreativeSatire & Comedy

Has Youth Culture Gone Too Far?

Gamer Culture (Hugh Brooks)
  If you have attended university, you have probably run into some of the more “unpleasant” individuals roaming the campus. You can’t always tell at first, but as you get to know your fellow peers, it quickly becomes apparent that some of them have an agenda to push. It can start out as an innocent joke or remark, but the more you learn, the more you realise these people spend their days living in a fantasy, detached from reality. You soon understand that they spend their evenings sitting in a dark room lit solely by a computer screen, typing furious
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CreativePoetrySatire & Comedy

A Sonnet for the Menzies Revolving Doors

Menzies Doors (Kim Tran)
  You know of which I speak there are five doors Stupid dumb and just a bit moronic Through these doors do we pass each morn in scores But for the pain it would be so comic Stop start all day so that I have but flinched Every time do they force your walk to halt The man who chose these dumb doors must be pinched We must find he who is so much at fault How can it be for them to work so hard Always at least one door out of order In my morning walk does it
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CreativeMiscellaneousSatire & Comedy

Coffee: The Rise of Modernity: Book Review

Coffee Review (Joanne Fong)
  ‘Just as Darwin discovered the law of development or organic nature, so Marx discovered the law of development of human history: the simple fact, hitherto concealed by an overgrowth of ideology, that mankind must first of all eat, drink, have shelter and clothing, before it can pursue politics, science, art, religion, etc. …’ – Frederich Engels, 1883 So begins Dmitri Gallo’s spirited and sometimes controversial history. Adopting the dusty Marxist thesis that ideas and social forces in history are ultimately at the mercy of economic and technological developments, Gallo suggests that the centre of world history is actually your
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CreativeFictionSatire & Comedy

Burnt in Bali

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No moisturiser, no drink and certainly no lawyer. On the afternoon following the Brexit vote I woke up in my suite on the bottom floor of the Komaneka Bisma- an expansive property on the edge of Ubud, a village in central Bali. As I woke up, I was greeted to a slow-burning pain all across my stomach and inner thighs, the previous day’s post-lunch lounge by the pool having left me with such severe sunburn that scores of empty Aloe Vera bottles lay sprawled around my bed. My journey to the shower proved difficult, pockets of green sludge unsteadied my
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CreativeSatire & Comedy

How To Be The Best ‘Modern Man’ You Can Be

How to be a Modern Man
  Men. Lads. Fellas. Boys. Blokes. Mates. However you salute your fellow man. It feels like the pressure on us to be gentleman with the women and down at the pub with our mates is ever increasing. But of course, we are up to the challenge. After having mulled on what we have to do to conquer our critics, I wanted to help out blokes experiencing the same questions. This is how I wrote out this list, and reckon it’ll serve some of you well. Life is all about sticking up for your mates. Your mum, girlfriend, brothers and mates
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CreativeFictionSatire & Comedy

Somewhere in Australia

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Claire was bad at maths, Iffah at science and Kevin at social interactions. But none of that mattered, because together they were the ultimate team for the job. Tasked with saving the world from an impending alien attack, the trio sat in the abandoned Hargrave-Andrew library of Monash University, devising their next move. The Earth had acted quickly in the face of its approaching doom. The alien ship appeared in the sky at 5:32pm Eastern standard time on Sunday the 26th of March and by Monday the 27th of August the following year, the world’s leaders had finally reached the
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CreativeCultureMiscellaneousSatire & Comedy

Bo[r]n-Apart(e) for Common Greatness

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If you are young and ambitious, whom can you idolise? Of course, Alexander the Great comes to mind. By his thirties he had conquered most of the world known to the ancient Macedonians. Such military feats seem incompatible with mortality. Thus the titular protagonist in Shakespeare’s Hamlet incredulously asks, “Dost thou think Alexander looked o’ this fashion i’ th’ earth?” The privileged few — who are born into opulence, placed under the tutelage of the finest teachers and quietly succeed to the throne — may well be daunted by the thought of Alexander. Yet he cannot intimidate the underprivileged many.
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