POETRY: ‘On Repeat’

thinking of him

in my dreams, you say my name on repeat
daniela daniela daniela … until they all merge together and I stop seeing where the word ends and where it begins

in my dreams, we’re sitting in your car
leather seats, rain falling faster than the wipers work cross hanging from your rear-view mirror
you’re telling me how much you miss me, how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other (even though it’s only been a few days)

in my dreams, when you start to cry, I pull on the door and push and pull and scream myself awake
but the darkness is no better than the tears on your cheeks
so I lay awake, pulling stuffed animals close to my chest so the night doesn’t feel quite so alone
and slowly
I fall back asleep
back into your car, listening to the wind howl and the rain patter and thinking, my Lord, I wish I could wipe this memory from my mind

thinking of her

the rain falls & my thoughts drift to your hands on my thighs, my shoulders, my heart
in my thoughts, you sit with your cheek turned away
legs dangling off the roof of the building
long, slow breaths

you’re watching the sinking sun
I’m watching the way it reflects off your silver necklace
then, you turn to speak, eyes not meeting mine, chin turned downward

except I never reach that part
in my mind, we are eternally there, just you & I
eyes on the waves
hands on our knees
slow, languid silence
over & over

Daniela Koulikov

The author Daniela Koulikov

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