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Tinder Twisters 

Sorry you’re not getting your regular dose of informative Jane Doe goodness this issue, but my brain was pretty fried after exams. Instead I thought we could have a little bit of a chat about two of my least (and most) favourite things: Twitter and Tinder. Tinder can be a great way of meeting new people and having fun (sexy) times, but it also often makes users feel unsafe. Therefore, I decided to compile a set of twisters based on my own Tinder Survival Tales to raise awareness about how we talk about sex on social media. Hope you enjoy! 

Tinder –  

  1. Dry, flammable material, such as wood or paper, used for lighting a fire. 
  1. A dating app which 90% of guys use to look for a casual SMASH or nudes, and 90% of women are looking for a bae or ‘just friends’.  

Twister –  

  1. A chiefly British swindler or dishonest person.  
  1. A tornado.  
  1. Short form twitterature defined by its macabre humour and fatalist aesthetics.  

 

Dick Pick 

XX April 2018: Hey, how’s your evening?  

XX April 2018: Good, how’s yours? 

XX April 2018: Do you have snapchat? 

 

 

Star Crossed Lovers 

XX April 2018: Thank god I was wearing oven gloves when we matched, because your too hot to handle. 

XX April 2018: Well if you think that’s hot you should see how much you need those gloves after a couple of drinks. 

XX April 2018: So who’s buying those drinks? Is it you or is it you? 

XX April 2018: What if I call you Ed Sheeran so you have $24.87 to spend on our date? 

XX April 2018: Ohhh, you crafty minx, you got me there! Or we could get some cheap alcohol and some chicken nuggets.  That sounds like a perfect date right there. 

XX April 2018: I am actually vego but if we could get chips too would go there.  

XX April 2018: I’ll buy you a salad and I’ll bring a blanket so we can have a picnic in the car park at McDonalds underneath the stars.  

 

 

Foot Long Foot Race 

XX May 2018: Wanna a foot race over 30 m? 

XX May 2018: ??? 

XX May 2018: Want to run a foot race over thirty metres? 

 

 

The Never Ending Story 

XX June 2017: I’m just looking to meet some cool people and see where things go from there. How’s your experience been so far. 

XX June 2017: Its been okay. I have ran into a couple of creepies.  

XX May 2018: But that could all change with you.  

XX May 2018: It certainly could. So what have you been up to the past 11 months?  

 

 

Busted 

XX June 2018: Hey Frand! Why are you on Tinder instead of studying? 

XX June 2018: I think it might have turned on in my pocket.  

XX June 2018: I bet it did 😉 

 

 

Great Expectations 

XX June 2018: Hey there! How are you? What are you looking for on tinder? 

XX June 2018: Good! Maybe just some interesting chats and a lil something more?  

XX June 2018: Mainly looking to be swept off my feet by a rich controlling sexual deviant or something like that.  

 

 

What’s my line again?  

XX July 2018: Did you know the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man? You’d think it would be because he looks like a hockey puck but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase “Paku Paku” which means to flap one’s mouth open and closed. They changed it because they thought Puck-Man would be too easy to vandalize, you know, like people would just scratch off the “P” and turn it into an “F” or whatever? 

XX July 2018: Haha. I didn’t know until I watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World. 

 

 

I am straight but… 

XX July 2018: Hey hun! You are cute! Want to catch up some time soon?  

XX July 2018: Sure! Would you like to meet up for a cute coffee and cake? 

XX July 2018: Would love to! Is it okay if my boyfriend comes too? We are looking for a cool chick to have a threesome with but don’t want it to be like – totally impersonal.  

Jane Doe

The author Jane Doe

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