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Wot’s Life with Pauline Hanson

Illustration by Genevieve Townsend

If you still owned your fish and chips store, do you think you might have expanded your repertoire and started making HSPs?

No. No, I definitely wouldn’t have been interested. I would have kept my shop traditionally Australian and only sold fish and chips. We need to stick to our country’s roots.

Didn’t fish and chips originate in England?

Well. Look, they might have. I don’t know. Moving on.

Hey, you’re probably the best person to ask. What’s a sure-fire way to ensure a large collective of people don’t like you?

What an appropriate question. I am the best person to ask, because I’ve been seeing this for years. If you come into our country expecting special treatment, while trying to bring in ISIS so you can break apart our nation, destroy our ancient culture, force your foreign cuisine on me, poison our waterholes and corrupt our children, you can expect that most Australians, such as myself won’t like you.

Would you rather be gay for Moleman or have your dick out for Harambe?

*sigh* I’m not going to answer that question, there’s many other questions that need answers, and frankly I’m not a fan of that one.

How do you feel about the fact that One Nation now holds four seats in a much larger and diverse Senate, with a 20 person crossbench, where it’s going to be extremely difficult to pass the policies that you want to focus on, particularly on decisions relating to Muslim immigration?

I don’t like it.

 

** For the avoidance of doubt, this article is most certainly satire**

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