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By Dr. Geoff Crawford Former Senior Lecturer in Microbiology NOTE: COVID-19 has changed things radically on campus and these disruptions may continue for some time. Please read my advice below and adjust these recommendations as necessary to the current situation at Monash. Me. I totally stuffed up Year 12 - passed two subjects. I worked for a few years and then enrolled at Monash via a special scheme. It was my last chance and I was scared! I worked hard in first year and did well. Stayed for another six years and left with a PhD in germs. I worked

By M. Ink  “…if it wasn’t for my unsavoury youth, I wouldn’t have ended up this dejected—I wouldn’t have been this rotting piece of filth you see before you. If only—if only I had been more human, been more talkative—maybe more like the others around me—maybe if that were the case, I wouldn’t be sitting in this oppressive room, all by myself, wearing an unwashed shirt, unwashed shorts, and dishevelled hair. If it wasn’t for… for t—”  By this point, the poor man’s writing had devolved to the level of incomprehensible scribbles. I flicked through the journal’s pages once more, in the hopes of finding more entertainment—but other than

National Student Walkout for Climate Action Jesse Clifton, Monash Clayton representative to the National Union of Students On Friday August 9, students from all across the country will be walking out of class to demand action on climate change. The rally, called by the National Union of Students, is mobilising to show that the student population will not stand for inaction on the environment while the planet burns. The demands of the rally are for: 100% renewable energy Stop the Adani coal mine No new coal or gas projects Sustainable jobs to accompany the destruction of fossil fuels People want

Tensions simmered as pro-Beijing activists mounted a counter-demonstration and tried to break up a pro-democracy student demonstration at Clayton Campus today. By late afternoon, approximately 40-50 Monash students had gathered on the walkway between the Religious Centre and Guzman y Gomez to protest the recent attempted extradition bill in Hong Kong. Members of the pro-democracy group stated they had been protesting at various locations across campus since 11:30am, and were being followed by a smaller pro-Beijing student group. Protests have reached fever pitch in Hong Kong yesterday as tens of thousands filled Hong Kong’s streets for the fifth consecutive day,

Hello Lot’s Wife Readers! I’m Nesceda Blake, one of Monash Uni Student Theatre’s interns for 2019, here to give you the low down on who we are and what we do!  Monash Uni Student Theatre (MUST), is a department of the MSA run by two professional theatre-makers that create vibrant, innovative theatre by, and with, Monash students for everybody. Our works are diverse, ranging from devised pieces to adaptations, from large-scale immersive work and festivals all the way to intimate experiments.   Each year we stage performances, hold workshops to develop skills, and facilitate students in professional placements.  Nearly all roles

If you’re stressed and exhausted and University seems to be closing in around you, but you don’t exactly find self-help books, meditation, religion, or any of those other types of stress management systems to work, perhaps philosophy is for you! Also if you’re often overwhelmed by the ridiculous jargon and complex thoughts that philosophy usually brings, then this beginner course may be most helpful.  Whilst there are obviously many different philosophical thoughts and systems that explore these ideas, today I would like to introduce you to Stoicism. However, I am not referring to the contemporary usage of the word: referring

Certainly, the most pressing issue for Monash University’s students isn’t class sizes, or GPA or any of that bilge. It’s coffee. Coffee precedes all of that. So, it’s something you better get right, and I’m going to tell you how.  Although a contentious subject, let me present the definitive guide to coffee at Monash. Why definitive? Listen buddy, I’ve been at this university tertiary qualification service provider for eight bloody years now, I remember Green Week and when the Blackburn Rd Carpark was free, fer chrissake. Now, where was I? Oh, the coffee…    The Den  Oh, how the mighty

LW Note: these opinions are from a small group of students who attended GIG, the negative experiences described were not necessarily endured by the entirety of the GIG cohort, and the plural ‘students’ is used for accessible reading, not to insinuate every student. The students who have written the piece have asked to be anonymous.     If you are a first-year student studying Arts or Global Studies, whether or not with a double degree, you might be considering going on the ‘altruistic’ Monash paid program, Global Immersion Guarantee.  If you’re thinking this, fucking think again.   Think that thought straight into

Fossil fuels, which include coal, oil, and gas, comprised 94% of Australia’s energy mix in 2016-2017, according to a 2018 report by the Department of Environment. Clearly, Australian energy production is dominated by fossil fuels. Australia’s economy is largely intertwined with fossil fuels, and the fossil fuel lobby is powerful in Australia. Unfortunately, despite the urgency of climate change, many institutions, including universities, have failed to disentangle themselves from fossil fuels. With our current emissions of greenhouse gases, we are locked into at least 1 degree of warming globally. This has major negative implications for Australia and the world. 1

We all know that assignment cover sheet, the one you have to sign with every submitted piece of uni work. The one where you legally promise you didn’t cheat, you didn’t copy, you didn’t collaborate with your pals nor did you use your buddy’s work in the year ahead.   Well, how many times have you signed that sheet and lied?  Zero?  Congratulations; you’re a saint.   Once?   Mate, you’re in trouble. Straight to the academic counsellor for an interrogation about your disgraceful act. You’ll fail that assignment for sure.   Twice?  Oh! The audacity. A real degenerate here. What would your

“The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they’ll sleep at night.” This quotation situated above the kitchen sink in the Monash Law Chambers, has curiously popped into my head as I walk past Flagstaff Gardens on my way to uni. I am arriving earlier than usual in order to finish several chapters of reading for class, in classic Courtney style, before said class. After studying the Juris Doctor for the past 3 years, I am somewhat inclined to agree with Otto Von Bismarck on his views on sausages and laws. The course is not