Words by Tan Arsa Sagara
to be seventeen again. a teenager
dreaming about teenage dreams.
it’s okay if you call me a she
as long as you call me yours.
i look at your curled fist where you hide
your masculinity. is that for me?
half-cool lake water that we can’t swim in
and love that we can’t drown in. so close
that our hands almost touch.
an intricate ritual to land my hand on your
shoulder. “that’s stupid,” i say.
i’d let you ruin me, i mean.
a few nights later we are on my bed and
your hand is on my cheekbone and
your words are on my bones. “my girl,”
you say, in an attempt to reject all attraction
that is not shaped like a line.
(but you told your friends you were dating a boy
only to blame me for the way their faces twisted.)
princess, you called me. stay quiet and bow to your
groom like a true girl would, i heard. ruin me you did.
300 ways to love and you decided you liked negative
numbers more. when you left you took a part of me
with you. the part that could write love songs
and take a breath in between words.
when you leave again, take me with you.
to be seventeen again. a teenager dreaming about teenage dreams. it’s okay if you call me a she as long as you call me yours. i look at your curled fist where you hide your masculinity. is that for me? half-cool lake water that we can’t swim in and love that we can’t drown in. so close that our hands almost touch. an intricate ritual to land my hand on your shoulder. “that’s stupid,” i say. i’d let you ruin me, i mean. a few nights later we are on my bed and your hand is on my cheekbone and your words are on my bones. “my girl,” you say, in an attempt to reject all attraction that is not shaped like a line. (but you told your friends you were dating a boy only to blame me for the way their faces twisted.) princess, you called me. stay quiet and bow to your groom like a true girl would, i heard. ruin me you did. 300 ways to love and you decided you liked negative numbers more. when you left you took a part of me with you. the part that could write love songs and take a breath in between words. when you leave again, take me with you.
