What are you ashamed of? That’s a bit broad. What was the last question you were too embarrassed to ask? Bit tricky to recall on the spot, huh. What was the last thought you shared that left everyone in the room evidently flustered and mildly uncomfortable? Oddly specific question.
What I’m getting at here is that there are things we are taught not to talk about and not to share. These teachings are often inherited, and are usually given in the name of propriety, modesty, or discretion. Whilst that might sound harmless, these teachings descend from beliefs that are inherently gendered, for example: that a woman who wants to discuss reproductive health must be a brazen hussy, rather than a person merely seeking to understand their own body, whose sex life is nobody’s bloody business. Women are so often taught to sacrifice their power for the comfort of others; to avoid talking about the realities of womanhood and feminism; to not “always make everything political” as if our very existence isn’t inherently political.
Well, not here friends. Welcome to Not-So Shrinking Violet – your one stop shop for smashing stigma. Here we’ll be talking patriarchy, intersectionality, periods, vaginas, sex, mental health, anxiety, depression, sexual assault, body image, self-esteem, and more. We will be holding shame hostage under a spotlight for interrogation until it tells us where it came from and why. If nothing I’ve said so far has scared you off, then I’m glad you’re here. Probably the worst thing about shame and stigma is that they make us feel alone in our experiences when that could not be any further from the truth. In this way, I believe community and conversation are the antidotes to shame and stigma – antidotes I sincerely hope we can brew together.
If you’d like to follow the conversation more closely, then head on over to @not_so_shrinking_violet on Instagram, or otherwise keep an eye out for me here in Monash’s very own Lot’s Wife in 2025.
Lots of love,
Not-So-Shrinking Violet
Ah, puberty. Those blissful, glory days of teenage angst, pimple popping, the crushing weight of other people’s opinions, and seemingly endless social awkwardness. Puberty is certainly no picnic in the best of circumstances, but what about under patriarchy? Let’s get into it.
Beauty Standards
For starters, puberty can mean increasing social pressure to undertake more extensive cosmetic practices, including makeup, hair removal, hairstyling etc. Patriarchal cultural messaging often makes it difficult for young women to discern whether their participation in these practices stems from a sense of obligation and a desire to conform or from a true exercise of free will ie ‘am I doing this because it’s what I want or because it’s what I’ve been conditioned to want?’
Additionally, young women that refrain from undertaking cosmetic rituals at the same rate as their peers often risk judgement or othering. For example, I can recall being 16 years old when many of my peers started asking if I felt sick or tired. I was neither, but most of the young women around me had already started wearing makeup to school, and so I began to look sickly by comparison. This question vanished when I began wearing under eye concealer.
Body Maturation
Perhaps the greatest change we associate with puberty is the observable changes in our bodies. These changes are loaded with both positive and negative connotations by society, and whilst these connotations can affect anyone, they are recognised to have a disproportionate effect on young women, who report a lower rate of body satisfaction than their male counterparts. This impact is often explained by the fact that male bodies are more likely to mature in line with Western beauty ideals than female bodies. For example, throughout puberty many young men experience an increase in muscle mass and the development of facial hair. It is important to note, however, that, whilst young men report a greater degree of body satisfaction than young women, this satisfaction still decreases with age throughout adolescence as they become increasingly subjected to patriarchal messaging around the importance of a masculine appearance and physical dominance.
Contrastingly, young women often see an increase in fat mass and the development of a fuller body – changes that are often criticised or altogether omitted by a fatphobic and misogynistic media industry that fails to recognise the importance and normality of these processes. Consequently, negative beliefs about natural changes such as weight gain are often internalised by young women, exacerbating an already declining satisfaction with their bodies. Whilst both young women and young men suffer as a result of society’s bodily ideals, it is vital to remember that in both instances these ideals stem from patriarchy. In the case of young men, patriarchy champions muscular, mature and dominating physiques as symbols of manhood. For young women, patriarchy demands petiteness and delicateness that contradicts natural body maturation. By reducing what it means to be a man or a woman down to merely a body type, patriarchy neglects the complex biological experiences of puberty and risks fostering unhealthy relationships with body image and self-esteem amongst all young people.
Increased Sexualisation
Whilst young women are criticised for gaining weight in the ‘wrong’ places, like our thighs or our stomach, we are contradictorily praised (read: objectified) for growing in the ‘right’ places. It comes as no shocking coincidence that the ‘right’ places are those that further enable the objectification and sexualisation of women – namely our breasts and butt. According to a 2018 study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, 65% of young Australian women between 16 and 19 years of age had been sexually harassed in the 12 months prior. Whilst anyone can be subjected to sexualisation or sexual harassment at any age (and I really mean any age), adolescent body maturation has been, and continues to be, disturbingly used by perpetrators to justify these acts; to rationalise illegal and disgusting behaviour simply because the victim has “grown into a woman.”
Changing Social Expectations
Throughout puberty, gender roles that have often been introduced since early childhood become solidified. For example, the value placed on attractiveness for women can be seen to begin with an introduction to appearance based toys (e.g. makeup, princess dresses), or activities centred around a patriarchal understanding of femininity as a strictly nurturing and caretaking quality (eg hosting tea parties, playing nurse or mother). Whilst at childhood these notions may seem harmless, by puberty, young women have been conditioned for years to perceive their value as inextricably linked to what they can provide for men – beauty, care and – eventually – sex. By adolescence, young women are expected to conform with Western beauty standards and to regard desirability as the ultimate achievement and indicator of worth.
Simultaneously, increasing social pressures on men to garner sexual experience as a marker of status and dominance generate an unhealthy environment for sexual interaction.
This race to achieve sexual experience – as proof of desirability for women and of dominance for men – risks devaluing the importance of informed and enthusiastic consent in sexual relationships. Furthermore, patriarchal values promote competitive natures in men particularly, thereby risking perceptions of sex as a contest more than a consensual and important interaction.
Additionally, the heterocentrism encouraged by patriarchal norms often leads to the omission of discourse or education around LGBTQIA+ relationships at this age. Consequently, LGBTQIA+ youth can be left unsupported and isolated when navigating sexual relationships throughout adolescence.
Mental Health Stigmatisation
Changing hormones, neurochemistry, and growing responsibilities all result in an increased likelihood of mental illness or poor mental health in adolescence. On top of this, patriarchal understandings perpetuate dangerous ideas that further stigmatise mental healthcare such as that “it’s weak to speak”. These understandings are inherently gendered as they align with traditional perceptions of masculinity as strong and self-sufficient. As a result, mental health stigmatisation can impact men uniquely, with less men than women seeking professional care when experiencing poor mental health. Furthermore, when young women voice their concerns about mental health, they are often dismissed as merely emotional, ‘hormonal’, or are otherwise undermined. This is an innately patriarchal characterisation of femininity as often irrational, one that dangerously risks the misdiagnosis or dismissal of young women in need of mental healthcare and support.
Sources
Andersen, S., Ertac, S., Gneezy, U., List, J. A., & Maximiano, S. (2013). ‘Gender, Competitiveness, and Socialization at a Young Age: Evidence from a Matrilineal and a Patriarchal society.’ Review of Economics and Statistics, 95(4), 1438-1443. https://doi.org/10.1162/REST_a_00312
Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2024). Prevalence and Impact of Mental Illness. https://www.aihw.gov.au/mental-health/overview/prevalence-and-impact-of-mental-illness
Australian Institute of Family Affairs. (2024). ‘Experience of Sexual Harassment Among Young Australians: Who, Where and How?’ Growing Up in Australia: The Longitudinal Study of Australian Children. Snapshot Series Issue 12. https://aifs.gov.au/growing-australia/research/research-snapshots/experience-sexual-harassment-among-young-australians
Carter, R., & Seaton, E. K. (2024). ‘Rethinking Pubertal Research: Embracing intersectionality’. Child Development Perspectives, 00, 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12527
Finne, E., Schlattmann, M., & Kolip, P. (2020). ‘Gender Role Orientation and Body Satisfaction during Adolescence: Cross-Sectional Results of the 2017/18 HBSC Study’. Journal of Health Monitoring, 5(3), 37–52. https://doi.org/10.25646/6901
Owens, A. (2017). ‘Growing Up She: Coming of Age In the Patriarchy’. Huff Post. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/growing-up-she-coming-of_b_9163714
