In every aspect and stages of our lives, we are bound to lock heads with the people around us. The level of importance to different areas of our lives seems to be indicated by the amount of time we dedicate to them; the more time we spend in a certain area, the more it seems our lives revolve around it. This explains our investment in any disagreements in university that we label as ‘drama’. For most of us, university life consists of three main components: academics, relations, and work; where relations include family, friends, and romantic connections. With most of us being full-time students, we spend most of our time in university, especially for those of us who reside on campus, whether or not we have other commitments.
The people we currently spend the most time with are the friends we make in university, which unfortunately means that we are more likely to experience ‘drama’ with them. As different individuals, no two people hold the exact same mindsets with the same perspective and viewpoint; not to mention our own ever-changing mindsets as we progress through life, we might not even agree with the view our old selves hold. If you could possibly disagree with your old self, you will most definitely disagree with the people around you. The constant close proximity exacerbates the risk of disagreements, especially with opinions, views and behaviours.
With the constant evolution of technology and media that allows an expanding connection to a variety of groups and personnel, we can be so caught up with the popular ideologies that spread around. These ideologies can be picked up subconsciously whether through constant exposure, an urge to fit in a trend or through constant use of different contents that were first intended as jokes. Moreover, with the accessibility of social media at our fingertips, we consume social media content on a daily basis which allows it to slowly creep into and infiltrate our subconscious mind. Like how you subconsciously pick up a language after immersing yourself in an environment that uses it consistently; which is why it is encouraged for you to converse with native speakers of a language you wish to learn. Similarly, after constant exposure to such social media content, your mind is being conditioned to take in such content and turn it into part of your lifestyle. This makes it extremely important to be self-aware of the content you consume on social media; and even more so if it started out as a ‘joke’.
“Your body is the temple of your soul”
The stomach, a kitchen for sustenance for the temple,
The mind, a school for growth of wisdom for the soul.
As much caution for the intake of food for physical health,
Watch the intake of ‘food’ for mental health.
The environment & content that surrounds one,
Are the ‘food’ for one’s mind,
Which builds onto the pillars for the growth of one’s soul.
Communication is the most important building block of connections, where in its absence, a connection would be bound to break apart. Much of communication is lost in different aspects of life, be it through the phone or being caught up in your mind. It is important to keep clear communication between the people you cherish, to ensure that a good relationship doesn’t fall into shambles for a mere misunderstanding. Where misunderstanding is present, it is important to find the time to fix the cracks in the faults, preferably in person where miscommunication can be minimised to the maximum. Where every aspect of the conversation, such as tone and body language, can be interpreted as intended, allowing a quicker, swifter and a more genuine solution to the ‘fault’, whatever it may be. However, there will be times where the other party has no intention to soothe the sores in the relationship and refuse to communicate; a few may even search for more or create more faults to prolong any sour feelings. When this happens, it is important to recognise self-respect and set boundaries, and let any toxic personnel out of your life. It brings no benefits for you to hold on to someone who does not hold you with equal importance. A person who wishes you no good cannot possibly bring you any positivity and will only drag you down with negativity – it is not an easy process but it is time to let go.
A seed with many modes of carrier can travel far from its origin, likewise a small rumour with an audience can reach far. University can be a popular breeding ground for rumours, especially in the fresher years where the high school mentality could persist. Rumours are uncontrollable and out of one’s reach, an effort to stop it would be like trying to capture the air with your bare hands. If a person is determined to spread a rumour about you, it does not matter how close the relation may be, a rumour can sprout from a completely foreign ground. Instead of stressing about the existence of the rumour, put it to good use to sieve out genuine friends who would not believe a rumour without first approaching you about it, whatever the rumour may be. That said, be the positive change in a toxic environment, be the element that stops the seed from travelling further. Where a piece of information does not concern you, there is no need to involve yourself with it; where it is about a friend, be the one to approach him or her about it. This area is a good example of where communication is lacking the most and when it is most necessary.
As hinted throughout, knowing your limits and removing yourself from a toxic environment is a very important skill to have. It is not easy letting go of people, especially those with a good history, but it is worth remembering (as previously brought up) that people are constantly changing as they go through the different experiences and paths in their lives. The version you once knew of them may not be the current version of them and this change may not always be a positive one. We tend to make up excuses or overlook the hurt that you receive, but it is important to recognise the hurt and know when it is time to remove yourself from an environment that no longer serves you well. The energy of the environment you surround yourself with is the food for your soul – remember that your soul deserves ‘food’ that is fresh and nutritious, ‘food’ that is not rotten. Feeding your soul rotten food is what makes you unwell, whilst fresh ‘food’ builds a strong positive soul; treat your soul well. Feed your soul good energy and your life will flourish around you.
Sometimes there’s just no reasonable explanation to the changes in relation dynamics, and it is the fault of no one. Life works in strange ways, but always drops hints of necessary changes you require to get on the right, unique path of your life. Take these hints without overlooking them and trust that there is only the best in store for your future. Treat your soul as well as you would your physical body. When an environment starts to drain you, it is time to navigate yourself to a new one which serves and treats you well; know and respect your own boundaries and others around you will too.
In our head-full strands of relations,
Different areas holding different strands,
However, somehow connected,
Creating the head-full that we hold.
Showered with love,
Nourished with care,
Combed with patience.
Yet somehow, there exists…
Brittle ones that break away,
Old ones that fall out in due course,
Unhealthy ones that hold dead-ends to be cut out.
When these strands eventually detach,
Logic bares no attempt for reattachment to the scalp,
Only to emancipate when time calls.
So I only ask this…
Why hold so desperately to detached relations?
That could not possibly entail further benefits,
Only to bring your efforts to vain in its deterioration.
With death, there is birth,
When a door closes, another opens,
When a strand falls, another grows.
The bonds that break,
Will be replaced with stronger ones.
The bonds that grow in its place,
Could possibly be a healthier and deep-rooted one.
