I left the sex work industry a little while ago now. It was something which I enjoyed on the whole, and was a good life experience, but I couldn’t do it any longer. Throughout this year I have written about how I got into sex work, the best moments, the worst moments, clients and the brothel experience. I’m going to finish with the reasons why I chose to leave it all behind.
My primary problem was that I was obliged to assume a transsexual identity. I have been an activist for trans rights for some time now, and as part of that I have thoroughly questioned my gender identity. I know I’m male, and I’m quite secure in my masculinity. Initially, although I felt somewhat guilty about using a transsexual identity for personal gain, I thought presenting as a female would be relatively unproblematic. This was true for a while, but eventually became hugely wearying. Over time the constant ‘she’s’ and ‘her’s’, the makeup and the dresses started to get to me. I couldn’t reconcile spending so much time not being me.
I got a tiny taste of what life would be like if I was transsexual; of having people see and treat you as something which you simply are not. I only had to do this for a few hours at a time, and could go home and escape from it. For people who are transsexual it’s not as easy to avoid the judgement and misunderstanding of people within the community. My work gave me a lot of respect for, and a better understanding of, transsexual people. At the end, however, I couldn’t work under this identity. It isn’t me.
Sex work is also an incredibly stressful job. From the moment you pull up to the curb outside the brothel, no aspect of it is relaxed. I constantly worried about someone seeing me go inside, and about making sure I looked my absolute best, because if I didn’t I may not have attracted clients. Long waits with no idea when or if the next client will arrive are extremely taxing. For me, introductions with clients always seemed like a job interview with an enormous fear of rejection; sometimes this pressure was so great that I quantified it with being physically hit. Once a client booked me, the pressure to perform was also extreme.
Being a sex worker creeps into the rest of your life too. There is always a fear of slipping up and saying the wrong thing; something that would reveal your profession to the wrong people.
Finally, in addition to the personal strain of sex work, even the financial incentive is not as good as many believe. $140 an hour sounds really good but is, as always, too good to be true. I went into sex work because I was sick of being poor, and it seemed like a great way to earn money without taking too much time away from study. I quickly discovered it wasn’t the golden ticket I had hoped for. It is possible to earn a lot of money in the sex industry – I know people who do – but it’s not something that can be taken for granted. It is a very fickle industry.
At the best point of my sex work career I was averaging two clients a night and usually earning a little under $200. Once I accounted for the amount of time I spent waiting in the brothel, however, and the money I had to put into personal upkeep I was getting paid a similar amount to retail wages. If you’re only receiving retail wages, there are few convincing reasons to stay in sex work. And that’s not even taking into account the stretches of time where you don’t get selected by clients and get no pay at all.
To be successful as a male worker, I really needed to work independently, where I could set my own prices and working hours. I put a lot of thought into making this transition, but concluded that as I don’t want sex work to become a long term career, it was not worth investing the effort of starting up my own business.
I don’t regret deciding to go into sex work, but I am happier now that I am out of it. It paid my bills for a while and changed my perspective on a range of issues, but it certainly isn’t for everyone. In retrospect, it isn’t for me. It took me a while to accept this.
Sex work entails a special working environment that it takes a certain type of individual to thrive in. The woman who first taught me the industry ropes said to me; “from the moment you take your first client you’ll always be a sex worker.”
My experience as a sex worker is something that has changed me for ever. I have learnt so much about others and about myself, and my teacher’s words are true; it will always be a part of me.
I have really enjoyed writing this column throughout 2012, and hope that you have found it interesting and informative. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read it.
