Content warning: panic attacks, anxiety
My doona weighs me down unevenly, the internal blanket bunched and crumpled – no longer fitting perfectly into the doona cover corners. I lie on my back. Visual static. Grainy roof and walls. My room shifts to the left, then snaps back centred.
shifted left
centred
shifted left
centred
shifted left
centred
My bed sways in a sea of unvacuumed carpet, and my body rocks with every accelerated heartbeat. Breathing exercises that never work. Close my eyes and count to ten.
Breathe in
Two
Breathe out
Fuck.
My burning lungs turn into a chugging train with broken brakes. Exorcise my breathing. I fantasise a cold, gentle hand reaching into my chest and holding my heart – squeezing it until it slows. Still. The night scene outside my window is calm and quiet.
The world is ending.
