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Cats versus Dogs: the ultimate showdown

Art by Leah Hume

We all like to think of ourselves as philosophers. While my mum has believed that I’m destined for great things ever since I uttered “the clock doesn’t just tick for you” at age 4, I feel I may have peaked young. Nonetheless, if there is one topic to tempt me to delve back into the world of philosophy, it is definitely the age-old question “Which is better: Cats or dogs?”. Nothing shows people’s true colours more than their animal allegiances, and whilst, as a lover of all animals, I will endeavour to provide an unbiased opinion…crazy cat people: it’s probably best to turn away now.  

 

1.  The tail wag 

Dogs simply cannot hide their emotions. It’s adorable (or, screw it, a-dog-able). Any time you come home, give them a pat or tummy tickle, or, best of all, say “WALKIES!” or “DINNER!”; that tail starts zig-zagging uncontrollably. You can even get a butt shake, spinning circles, or jumping if you’re lucky. You can’t help but break out into a smile as you see your pal (or any of the million dogs on YouTube) get so excited at the simplest pleasures. Cats, on the other hand, are cool, calm, and collected customers. They’re clever and know it. No wonder so many poor, unsuspecting humans have the bejesus scared out of them by kamikaze cats. No, thank you. Give me easy-to-read and readily excitable any day.   

CATS: 0 v DOGS: 1  

 

2. Snuggle buddies 

This is a tricky one. In one corner, you’ve got cats, which curl up on your lap and purr to their heart’s content. Then there are dogs, which, depending on size, can either flatten you or nuzzle up into you. Dogs are more likely to have the slobber and panting factor, too – not what I call summer lovin’. When bored, cats will generally leave you in peace as they slink off silently. Dogs, bless them, will decide a mere ten seconds after you’ve finally got comfy that they’re bored; so surely you’d prefer to play ball? While it pains me to crown cats the victors, dogs are definitely the winner in winter. That fur ball makes a divine hot water bottle.  

CATS: 1 v DOGS: 1 

 

3.  Socialising

Cats, by nature, are solitary creatures. You just know they feel superior to us mere mortals as they mosey around the neighbourhood with that arched back of theirs. Dogs, on the other hand, were born to be our BFFL’s. They can’t get enough of us crazy humans. They want to be by our side 24/7. They can’t stand us when we leave them, but shower us with insane amounts of love the minute we’re back; not to mention the “Good morning” cuddles and licks. Dogs also help humans socialise. When we’re out and about with our doggos, they’re a natural ice-breaker and you can’t help but feel like a proud parent when someone compliments your hound (who is obviously the best dog in the world).  

CATS: 1 v DOGS: 2 

 

4.  Cleanliness 

This one won’t require too much debate. Cats, with all that licking, keep themselves in fine shape. Dogs, on the other hand, require a little TLC. There’s doggy breath and the inevitable clean-up after a frolic in or taste test of mud, poo, or some other disgusting substance. Let’s not mention those sneaky stinky farts (excellent scapegoat after a curry though), and the horror of that squelch under your shoes that always occurs when you’re in a rush.  

CATS: 2 v DOGS: 2  

 

5.  The fun factor 

Dogs are just generally more fun than cats. We can’t help but put on ridiculous voices for not only our own, but stranger’s pooches, too. You all know what I’m talking about:“You are the cutest doggo in the world. Oh, yes you are.” Ring any bells? Dogs don’t judge us for this, but, rather, adore it. Dogs are also generally sillier and more trusting than felines, which makes the LOL factor ten times greater for dress up games, watering the garden, and the dreaded veterinary cone.   

CATS: 2 v DOGS: 3 

 

And there you have it: the winner is DOGGOS!!!!!
A very close contest nonetheless.   

Life would be so much easier if CatDog actually existed. Who knows? With science these days, soon we might have the best of both worlds in one furry companion. Until then, no matter if you’re on Team Dog or Team Cat, I think we humans should all take a leaf out of our four-legged friends’ books to remember what truly matters. Our world would be a much kinder and happier place if we did. 

Art by Leah Hume
Britt Munro

The author Britt Munro

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