Illustration by Stephie Dim
Is Winter really coming? Weather still seems pretty warm to me.
If I have to say this one more time I’ll drive my fucking sword through your stomach. Yes. Winter is coming. The snow will build up outside and freeze everybody in their houses. The children will want to go outside, but if they get there they’ll be dead minutes after the air touches their tiny bodies, and they’ll freeze in the snow and be discovered by their grieving parents when spring breaks. It won’t matter if you’re a high lord or a peasant. Unless you’re lucky enough to be trapped in a house with food and heat, the gods won’t care about your blood when they strike you down. The weather may be warm now, but beware what comes next.
I’ve got at test worth 30% of my total mark coming up, and I’m freaking out. Can you help me study?
I’ve been told that I know nothing. Sam will probably be more help.
I’m having girl trouble, she’s been ignoring me and talking smack about me to her friends. I’m
pretty pissed, to be honest. What can I do?
Words? You’re hurt by words? Arrows are more painful. Until your partner shoots you in the chest with multiple of them, shut up.
I’m getting kind of scared, walking home at night. What can I do? The night is dark and full of terrors. Bringing a sword with you is the wisest move, Valyrian steel if possible. Find yourself a sword master and refine your technique. You don’t need to know much, but just learn how not to kill the wrong person.
Are you really dead?
No. I just thought that bleeding out while in the freezing snow would be fun. Jon Snow. Laying in the snow.
What’s going to happen to Westeros now?
Fucked if I know. I’m out. Don’t anybody fucking dare bring me back.