Words by Tehseen Huq
As the days go by, I feel an ineffable mingling of fear and melancholy. I feel
like I’m constantly staring at a rainbow partially obscured by mist on the
other side. I long for gentleness, clarity, and tranquillity. I see my life in a
rudimentary stage of evolution. Life disillusions me but I am condemned to
navigate its treacherous landscape.
Success is an amorphous silhouette far out of my reach. I am a distorted
work in progress under the erroneous assumption of an accomplished life.
Anxiety grips me tenaciously in its claws.
Adulthood is an unknown land with no maps to help me navigate. It feels like I
am lost in the perilous waves of an ocean with no shore or no anchor in sight.
The constant stream of expectations from society is like arrows piercing my
heart.
My failures from the past morph into demons in the night. They hold me down
and paralyse me with their haunting eyes.
I want to wake up under the glimmer of the sun. I want to feel the sunshine
kiss my skin and the wind playing with my hair. I want to frolic on green
meadows under the open sky and cherish the simple sight of morning dewdrops on leaves.
This is freedom.
I will never be free in a capitalist society where my worth is contingent upon
my productivity. My beauty lies in the essence of my humanity. Perhaps, one
day freedom will be a part of my reality.
