It’s not only an Australian classic but a budget-friendly, travel safe beverage. Because of this, it defaults as every student’s dream drink of choice, but for reasons unbeknownst to myself, it gets a bad rap.
Okay, maybe it’s because goon comes in bag form, where the eager mouths of reckless youths await its direct pour. Or maybe it’s because of the quality, taste, and texture the wine lacks itself. Either way, we have a solution.
With these goon-tastic recipes, you’re bound to up the street cred of our trusted mate goon, and perhaps even help it gain a few fancier friends.
1. A classic, because anything with Coca–Cola is a classic.
Cherry-flavoured coke? NAH. Vanilla-flavoured coke? YUCK. We’ll take one goon coke, please, and keep ‘em coming.
Red goon is recommended for that classy (ish) deep burgundy colour. Mix an appropriate amount of coke into the goon and chug away my friends. Optional for ultimate goon drinking experience: Sip proudly in a black turtleneck, fitted blazer, and a well-groomed moustache.
2. Confucius says: Yes to Goon.
Any time is tea time if you ask Confucius and me.
In fact, we’re both not at all opposed to a cleansing cup of green tea infused goon. Opt for some white goon, a sweet drink of choice (I like Sprite) and dunk a green tea bag in there for that extra added flavour, because… #culture.
3. The Aussie Fizzer.
You will need:
- Wizz Fizz
- Raspberry sorbet
Admittedly, it’s a simple ingredient list, but the effects are wondrous, believe me.
Wizz Fizz on its own tastes simply amazing and is objectively the best invention in the world. Despite my sheer adoration for the strange powder, there’s a way to make it better, and it rhymes with tune.
I stir one packet of Wizz Fizz into about two scoops of raspberry sorbet. Once this is combined, I load it with, you guessed it, goon, before serving to my very confused guests.
4. The “I’m on a diet”.
Whoever said diets means cutting out alcohol? If that’s the truth, then diets are no friend of mine.
This recipe involves cutting up your favourite fruits – I like berries – and stirring them into a white or red goon, whichever is your preference. Give the fruit a bit of a mush to extract optimal flavour, pop in some ice, and voila.
5. Lemon, lime, and better.
What’s better than lemon, lime, and bitters? A smidge more alcohol (goon to be precise)!
Grab your bottle of Bickfords lemon and lime bitters from the back of your cupboard and pour equal parts goon and Passion Pop into the mix. Freeze for at least 3 hours and mash it up into a slushy consistency.
Add lemon wedge for sophistication. DELECTABLE.
6. The hair flick.
Call her classy, call her snooty, you know this drink all too well.
She loves soda water and frankly, flavourless drinks. But we’ll de-Spritzer the beverage and Mimosa it up for her by adding some orange juice to it, just ‘cause.
Sangria spices up every social gathering, but why use the legitimate, bottled stuff when you can buy red wine in a bag for a fraction of the price!
You’ve got your red goon, your cranberry juice, your orange juice, a few mint leaves, and a beverage that’s delicious as heck.
8. The Goonies.
Remember Chunk? We do because Chunk was all of us. He loved every kind of food, in any shape or form. He wasn’t picky. And so, we present to you an amalgamation of flavours that will likely gross you out, but that you will also down when you’re too drunk/hungry to care.
White goon, ginger beer, and vanilla ice cream. Hear me out. This beverage has the effect of a “Spider”. The soft drink and ice cream combination was ALMOST the invention of the century, right after this killer, alcoholic combo. Crush pretzels over the top for added crunch and salty goodness.
9. Lactose in-GOON-erant.
We’re all about enjoying the simple things in life, functionality, and time-saving. So, introducing… an alcoholic, liquidised dessert aka red goon mixed with some chocolate, in essence.
Melt chocolate in the microwave or over the stove, stir in a portion of milk, then add red goon. Throw in a cinnamon stick to feel all the winter feels. If you’re lactose intolerant, we advise against making this drink but cannot stop you from trying this deliciousness at your own peril.
10. The power bev.
Hold on tight, folks. This drink will knock your socks off and give you that energy boost you never knew you needed.
Mix some Powerade with water and goon, and you’ve got yourself a pick me up perfect for that sleepy hour on a night out that we call midnight.
And there you have it, pals. My weird and oh so wonderful guide to goon.
Use it wisely.