Every time that I hang out with you and them
I feel so alienated
but I feel like an alien would fit in more than me 

because they are inherently interesting and

I just feel like the most boring person alive


I can’t keep up with any of the jokes

while the three of you go back and forth, faster and faster and

I force myself to laugh 

in grating harmony


I grapple with possible things to say but

none of them seem worthwhile

sometimes one of you says something I had thought of 

and I resent myself for not having said it

instead of just sitting here like a lump


With a lump in my throat, so stuck in my head

reminding myself that in other circles 

I am fun and funny and welcome

as far as I can tell

I don’t do this to anyone else

do I?

Ash Dowling

The author Ash Dowling

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